Thursday, December 10, 2015

Adoption Is An Option

If a couple has been trying for sometime to conceive and have done everything they could to do so, then maybe they could consider adoption.

There are so many babies and children in the world looking for a mother and father. Couples can choose to adopt a child in their home country or one from abroad. There have been those couples who have adopted children from several different countries. The highest profile adoptions recently have been Angelina Jolie and Meg Ryan. Angelina adopted a little boy, Maddox, from Cambodia and a little girl, Zahara, from Ethopia. Meg Ryan adopted a little girl from China.

Adoption is not an easy process. There are many requirements that the adoptive couple will have to meet before they are allowed to move forward with the adoption. Here is a list showing some of the criteria:

* * Marital Status
* * Length of Marriage
* * Age of Adoptive Parents
* * Health and Disabilities Issues of Adoptive Parents
* * Use of Drugs, Alcohol and Tobacco
* * Fertility Status
* * Other Children in the Family
* * Financial Status
* * Employment Stability

The cost of adoption depends on how they choose to proceed. If they use the US foster care system, there is little or almost no cost to the adoptive parents. In some states, subsidies are offered. Stepparent or kinship adoptions usually cost up to $2,500. 

Using an agency, private or international adoption can cost up to $30,000.

Benefits: You control the search process and the degree of openness with the birthparents, have direct contact with the birthparents, and aren’t restricted by agency requirements.

Risks: Costs are less predictable, as extensive advertising and medical expenses can drive up costs. Length of time to find a birthmother is unpredictable. As with an agency adoption, a birthparent can change her mind.

Regardless how the couple decides to adopt, the important fact is that they and their new child will be on their way to a nurturing and loving relationship.

About Fatherhood

For most of us, our first father is God. A large majority of the world considers God as their father; or rather call God as their father. God is father to all in such believing families. What about biological fathers? How does one become a good father? What are the yardsticks by which we measure the goodness of a father? 

This is a subject for discussion and application of thought. Who is the final judge about the goodness of the father? The mother? The children? The society? What qualities should a man possess to be called a good father? These questions generate a bigger debate.

Can a mother judge her husband about his goodness as a father? That judgment can depend on so many probabilities. What are her yardsticks? How was her father? What are her beliefs? Do these beliefs match those of her husband? How much does she love her husband and her children? If it comes to taking sides, whose side will she take? Will it be a well thought-out decision or one colored by many other factors?

Can the father judge his own goodness? What may be correct according to him, may be wrong according to her children? The man carries his psychological baggage and many times may be prejudging and expecting responses. Generation gap plays a bigger role. As the world progresses, priorities, tastes, values, everything undergoes change. Therefore a man himself cannot pronounce himself as a good father. Children will contest that, if he does not accept their beliefs. Which child will call his father a good father, if the father has set ideas about partying, relationships, studies, etc.

Can the children judge their father? That is difficult to believe. The children surely wish for a father who not only agrees with their ideas, but supports them in all possible ways in enjoying life. What if a child is such that he believes that enjoying life is more important than studying for examinations?

If we think more about this subject, it will result into more confusion. What is to be thought about fatherhood and how does one become a good father? The best way out might be to accept the generation gap, listen to children before giving orders, have a fair debate on all important issues, and tell children exactly about values that will decide the final action. After doing all this, one should simply do one's duty and leave the rest to prayers. And before attempting to become a good father, one should first become a good man. A drug addict can never become a good father, nor a habitual liar.

Acknowledging Your Emotion: Why is it important?

A couple of days ago, my seven year-old daughter performed in a dance concert. It was her first public performance and we were all very proud of her. She was very excited about it. We know how much she loves to dance.

Her routine was the first performance and we all thought she did rather well and were happy for her. At the end of the concert, my wife presented her with a present, personally wrapped up by her with a beautiful blue coloured wrapper.

To our surprise, my daughter not only did not say thank you to her mother but actually complained about her present. She said she did not like the colour of the wrapper and did not like the present inside it. She was grumpy all the way from the concert hall to our house. This was so unlike her.

The next day, she was still upset. When we invited her out to the shopping complex for a movie, she declined, claiming that she wanted to stay and rest at home.

I knew that something was bothering her and it was not just about the present but I didn’t know what it was. Anyway, the rest of the family went for the movie and had a nice time. Then it struck me that my daughter may have been upset not so much with her present as with herself. Perhaps she had felt that she did not perform as well as she could have. She does have very high expectation of herself and is quite a perfectionist when it comes to her dance.

Once we returned home, my daughter was at the door to greet us. I knew she wanted to talk and took the opportunity to ask her once again why she was upset. I advised her to tell me the real reason why she was upset and when she couldn’t say it, I asked her directly whether she was upset with herself because she thought she did not perform as well as she could have — and she said “yes”.

Once she acknowledged her real feeling, I was able to console her. I told her that we all loved her performance and that it was more important for her to gain experience from her first public performance than to demand a perfect performance from herself.

Then I told her how much her mother has painstakingly chosen a present for her and personally wrapped it up in a beautiful wrapper for her, and that because she had not acknowledged her true feeling to herself and everyone else, she had instead taken out her anger on her mother’s present. In this way, she not only upset herself even more and felt bad about it, she spoilt the occasion for everyone in the family. Perhaps she had reacted unconsciously. We all have this tendency to deny our feelings and lash out at something else instead - children and adults alike - and some poor innocent person unwittingly gets the blame.

I then helped her to realise why it was important that she honestly acknowledge her feelings. The outcome would have been more desirable and the unpleasant feeling would have been resolved much earlier and easier had she been honest about it in the first place. In addition, her mother would not have been hurt by her reaction to her present and she would have had a wonderful day at the movie with us.

By not acknowledging her true feeling, she reacted in a way that created a chain reaction of anger that was directed at everyone in her path and basically created more problems for herself and everyone else. These problems could have been avoided or would not even have existed had she been honest about her feelings from the beginning.

I thought this was an important lesson for her and for everyone, and was glad to have the opportunity to talk to her about it.

P.S. About an hour later after our talk, she came over and whispered a “thank you, daddy” into my ears and I could see that she was back to her normal self again. It was as if a burden has been lifted from her little shoulders.

Adoption Agency Selection Checklist

It was March of 1996 that the first draft of this checklist was placed online. It has been used by thousands since then and, with the feedback received since 1996, it has been shortened and simplified. There are now 5 questions most easily answered by using the yellow pages, or other agency advertisements such as web pages, and then 11 questions that will probably require a phone call to the agency. There is no difference if you are placing a child you are expecting or if you are wanting to adopt a child into your family. Either way you must select the agency very carefully for the sake of your child.

You must also be concerned as to how the adopting parents of your child, or the birthmother of your child, will be treated by the agency you select. It is a VERY important decision.

As you are calling agencies and asking questions about the issues from this checklist, it is very possible that the staff will recognize that you are using this checklist. Do not let that distract you from the critical issues addressed in the checklist. Just acknowledge that you are using the "openadoption.org checklist" and that you want to go over the issues one by one. The issues are infinitely more important than the source of the checklist you are using. The way agency staff treat you, and your concerns, will tell you as much about an agency as the written agency policies.

A PDF copy of the Adoption Agency Selection Checklist for printing can be found at www.openadoption.org/checklst.htm It will print out to one page and have 4 columns to compare multiple agencies. You may then take notes on the printed copy as you study agency advertisements and call agencies.

Adoption Agency Selection Checklist 

After studying the www.openadoption.org web pages to understand the issues involved, this form can be used to compare four agencies. The more “Yes” answers to the questions that follow the better an agency is. Few agencies will get “Yes” answers to all 16 questions, and some questions are more important.

1. Do the agency web site & advertisements make it clear that the agency only does fully open, fully identified adoptions? 

2. Is this agency easy to drive to from your home? 

3. Do you have a friend who knows or has used this agency and gives it a very high recommendation? 

4. Are there other agencies in your local yellow pages who have much larger yellow page ads under the adoption heading? 

5. Is the agency a church affiliated agency or is it over 30 years old? 

Most of the above questions can be answered from agency web sites, yellow pages, and other advertisements without calling the agency. The questions below will probably require a call to the agency, but count it as extra good if positive answers can be found in agency advertisements. Count it as negative if there is any hesitation by agency staff on the phone in answering these questions.

6. Does the agency encourage maternity client parenting and offer free support and guidance in parenting? 

7. Did agency staff accurately define open adoption as involving no secrets between birth and adopting families, and ongoing, direct, in person contact between them? 

8. Did agency staff make it clear that they prefer to do fully open adoptions and rarely, if at all, will they serve an adopting family wanting less than a fully open adoption? 

9. Does the agency strongly recommend, or even require, several counseling sessions by their staff before a maternity client starts considering the selection of a family for their child? 

10. Does the agency always allow maternity clients selecting a family for their child to be able study every waiting family available through the agency for their child, and almost never limits maternity clients to selecting from a few waiting families chosen by agency staff? 

11. Does the agency encourage matching between birth and adopting families who live close enough to each other for easy visits? 

12. Does the agency have resumes by families adopting that are fully identified, with full names and addresses as well as local phone numbers on them, freely available for the selection process? 

13. Does the agency provide a copy of their adopting parent fee agreement with clearly stated policies both about refunds and that donations cannot be accepted during the adoption process? 

14. Does the original fee amount also cover all birthmother expenses anticipated with the agency paying any extra expenses? 

15. Is agency a member of the Child Welfare League of America? 

16. Is the race of the child expected one of the last questions asked? 

Total the Number of "Yes" answers and compair.

ABC OF BREASTFEEDING

From the first moment the infant is applied to the breast, it must be nursed upon a certain plan. This is necessary to the well-doing of the child, and will contribute essentially to preserve the health of the parent, who will thus be rendered a good nurse, and her duty at the same time will become a pleasure. 
This implies, however, a careful attention on the part of the mother to her own health; for that of her child is essentially dependent upon it. Healthy, nourishing, and digestible milk can be procured only from a healthy parent; and it is against common sense to expect that, if a mother impairs her health and digestion by improper diet, neglect of exercise, and impure air, she can, nevertheless, provide as wholesome and uncontaminated a fluid for her child, as if she were diligently attentive to these important points. Every instance of indisposition in the nurse is liable to affect the infant. 
And this leads me to observe, that it is a common mistake to suppose that, because a woman is nursing, she ought therefore to live very fully, and to add an allowance of wine, porter, or other fermented liquor, to her usual diet. The only result of this plan is, to cause an unnatural degree of fulness in the system, which places the nurse on the brink of disease, and which of itself frequently puts a stop to the secretion of the milk, instead of increasing it. The right plan of proceeding is plain enough; only let attention be paid to the ordinary laws of health, and the mother, if she have a sound constitution, will make a better nurse than by any foolish deviation founded on ignorance and caprice. 
The following case proves the correctness of this statement:  
A young lady, confined with her first child, left the lying-in room at the expiration of the third week, a good nurse, and in perfect health. She had had some slight trouble with her nipples, but this was soon overcome. 
The porter system was now commenced, and from a pint to a pint and a half of this beverage was taken in the four and twenty hours. This was resorted to, not because there was any deficiency in the supply of milk, for it was ample, and the infant thriving upon it; but because, having become a nurse, she was told that it was usual and necessary, and that without it her milk and strength would ere long fail. 
After this plan had been followed for a few days, the mother became drowsy and disposed to sleep in the daytime; and headach, thirst, a hot skin, in fact, fever supervened; the milk diminished in quantity, and, for the first time, the stomach and bowels of the infant became disordered. The porter was ordered to be left off; remedial measures were prescribed; and all symptoms, both in parent and child, were after a while removed, and health restored. 
Having been accustomed, prior to becoming a mother, to take a glass or two of wine, and occasionally a tumbler of table beer, she was advised to follow precisely her former dietetic plan, but with the addition of half a pint of barley-milk morning and night. Both parent and child continued in excellent health during the remaining period of suckling, and the latter did not taste artificial food until the ninth month, the parent's milk being all-sufficient for its wants. 
No one can doubt that the porter was in this case the source of the mischief. The patient had gone into the lying-in-room in full health, had had a good time, and came out from her chamber (comparatively) as strong as she entered it. Her constitution had not been previously worn down by repeated child-bearing and nursing, she had an ample supply of milk, and was fully capable, therefore, of performing the duties which now devolved upon her, without resorting to any unusual stimulant or support. Her previous habits were totally at variance with the plan which was adopted; her system became too full, disease was produced, and the result experienced was nothing more than what might be expected. 
The plan to be followed for the first six months. Until the breast- milk is fully established, which may not be until the second or third day subsequent to delivery (almost invariably so in a first confinement), the infant must be fed upon a little thin gruel, or upon one third water and two thirds milk, sweetened with loaf sugar. 
After this time it must obtain its nourishment from the breast alone, and for a week or ten days the appetite of the infant must be the mother's guide, as to the frequency in offering the breast. The stomach at birth is feeble, and as yet unaccustomed to food; its wants, therefore, are easily satisfied, but they are frequently renewed. An interval, however, sufficient for digesting the little swallowed, is obtained before the appetite again revives, and a fresh supply is demanded. 
At the expiration of a week or so it is essentially necessary, and with some children this may be done with safety from the first day of suckling, to nurse the infant at regular intervals of three or four hours, day and night. This allows sufficient time for each meal to be digested, and tends to keep the bowels of the child in order. Such regularity, moreover, will do much to obviate fretfulness, and that constant cry, which seems as if it could be allayed only by constantly putting the child to the breast. A young mother very frequently runs into a serious error in this particular, considering every expression of uneasiness as an indication of appetite, and whenever the infant cries offering it the breast, although ten minutes may not have elapsed since its last meal. This is an injurious and even dangerous practice, for, by overloading the stomach, the food remains undigested, the child's bowels are always out of order, it soon becomes restless and feverish, and is, perhaps, eventually lost; when, by simply attending to the above rules of nursing, the infant might have become healthy and vigorous. 
For the same reason, the infant that sleeps with its parent must not be allowed to have the nipple remaining in its mouth all night. If nursed as suggested, it will be found to awaken, as the hour for its meal approaches, with great regularity. In reference to night-nursing, I would suggest suckling the babe as late as ten o'clock p. m., and not putting it to the breast again until five o'clock the next morning. Many mothers have adopted this hint, with great advantage to their own health, and without the slightest detriment to that of the child. With the latter it soon becomes a habit; to induce it, however, it must be taught early. 
The foregoing plan, and without variation, must be pursued to the sixth month. 
After the sixth month to the time of weaning, if the parent has a large supply of good and nourishing milk, and her child is healthy and evidently flourishing upon it, no change in its diet ought to be made. If otherwise, however, (and this will but too frequently be the case, even before the sixth month) the child may be fed twice in the course of the day, and that kind of food chosen which, after a little trial, is found to agree best. 

Accredited Home Schools - Are They Right For You?

Your home school curriculum can also incorporate your own religious and moral beliefs, something that no one but you can teach your own child. By taking control of a child's education a parent can shape that child's value system better than any other way. 

It is not necessary to have a teaching degree or to even be a college graduate for that matter. Although it is a tremendous responsibility to teach your own child the education they will receive from a concerned parent will be much greater than they can get in a public school system. And if you don't feel comfortable with some of the harder subject materials it's possible to hire a tutor for those classes.

If you want your child to excel in home school you need to possess two things. One, you must have the desire to teach your children and two, you must have the determination to succeed with home schooling. With home schools that's all it takes, a desire and some effort. With those two things your child can realize an education that will far surpass a classroom environment. Any parent can be an effective teacher if they truly have the desire for their children to learn.

There is no one else that will want your child to succeed as much as you do. And to progress at a better-than-public-school pace a child must have a teacher who knows them and wants them to learn. Many public school teachers are only in it for the paycheck. And most others have so many kids in their classroom there is absolutely no way they can give them the individual time and attention that a parent can with homeschooling. This is why home schooled kids have the potential to far exceed public school children.

The biggest hurdle that most parents face is being unsure of their own ability to teach. School teachers must go through many years of education programs before they are qualified to teach others while many parents have no training at all. But should this be the deciding factor? 

You may be surprised at how effective you can be as your child's instructor. School teachers are face with many obstacles and regulations that you will never have. They must overcome many children's learning styles and behaviors, children with disciplinary problems, school regulations and a host of other things that will not be required of you. As a homeschool parent you are in charge of only one child, not a room full of children who possess different personalities that learn in many different ways.

In the public classroom, when it comes to curriculum, school teachers are required to follow a program and use materials that the public system as approved. Plus, they are bound to get through the material no matter how slow some of the children may be. You, on the other hand, with a homeschool curriculum can proceed at the perfect speed with home schooling. You can make sure your child learns a specific subject before going forward. And possibly, you can proceed much faster because there are no less intelligent kids slowing things down for you. In the public system you can only go forward as fast as the slowest kid, otherwise they will be left behind.

Another positive aspect to homeschool is your individual time. A teacher must start school precisely at a predetermined time and finish at a predetermined time. A parent can adjust the schedule as their children's learning abilities dictate. It is usually much easier to deliver the subject matter more quickly one-on-one which makes it possible to delve deeper into certain subjects. Deeper examination can help a child understand things greater. By getting through lessons quicker it also allows more time for other activities and field trips. 

Take a little time to search the web for ideas and lesson plans. You will find many different topics such as accredited home school, home school materials, Christian home school programs and more. If you think you can't do it think again. With all of the resources, online home education groups, forums and your desire and effort you can help your child achieve a brighter future that they can achieve in no other way.

Adoption - The Ultimate in Red Tape

An associate of mine finds it very interesting that any couple in this world, no matter how rich or poor, no matter what they do for a living, no matter if they have a criminal record or not, no matter what kind of persons they are, can have as many kids as they like and nobody can say one word about it.

But when a middle class, hard working, law abiding couple wants to adopt a child they have to jump through more hoops than a clown at a three ring circus. He wonders why.

In this article we'll try to explain some of the problems and red tape associated with a couple trying to adopt a child.

For starters, adoption law varies from state to state. Yes, there are laws, and depending on where you live those laws can be quite different but there are some laws that are pretty common across the board. There is the Consent to Adoption. This consent refers to the agreement by a parent, or a person or agency acting in place of a parent, to relinquish the child for adoption and to release all rights and duties with respect to that child. In other words before you can adopt the child the birth parent or agency in charge, if the birth parents are dead, has to give consent for the adoption to take place.

Then there is the parties to adoption. In order for an adoption to take place, a person available to be adopted must be placed in the home of a person or persons eligible to adopt. All States, the District of Columbia, and the US territories Guam, Puerto Rico, American Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the Virgin Islands have laws that specify which persons are eligible as adopting parents, and which persons can be adopted. In other words they decide whether or not they think the adoptive parents are fit and this varies from state to state.

So who CAN adopt? Generally speaking anyone over the age of 18 but in some states 21 and still in others the minimum age is 25. Again, this is all state regulated. There are some states that allow minors to adopt under certain circumstances but this is very rare. In some states the adopting parents must be at least 10 years older than the child. So if you want to adopt a 15 year old boy you have to be at least 25 years of age. Then there is the residency question. Most states require that you be living at your current residence for at least 60 days.

So who can BE adopted? Generally, anyone under the age of 18. Of course depending on the state there are some additional requirements. For example, in some states the child has to be living in that state at the time of the adoption. So if you wanted to adopt someone from overseas you wouldn't be able to. In some states this extends further to the child having to be a resident for a certain length of time. Some states do allow the adoption of a person regardless of age but this is very rare.

Then there is the question of WHO can place a child for adoption. This is usually the birth parent or parents unless both are dead and then it is the agency to which custody of the child was appointed.

But this gets even more complicated. What if the birth mother and father are not married and the mother wants to put the child up for adoption but the father does not? This becomes an extremely messy situation. First there is the court battle between the mother and father to determine who gets the say in the matter. In most cases unless the mother is proven unfit the right to place the child up for adoption is granted. If not, however, then a determination has to be made as to whether or not the father is given custody of the child. We are assuming at this point that since he was against the adoption that he will want to keep the child, but he is in no way legally obligated to do this and can put the child up for adoption at a later date.

Then there are the adoption fees. In most states the adoptive parents have to pay these fees and they can be enormous, going into the tens of thousands of dollars. My associate thinks this is absurd. The parents don't want the child but it's the adoptive parents who have to pay to get the child even though the child isn't wanted. Some would say that is hard logic to argue with. As you can see, adoption is not simple. Add to all the above that the adoption process can be a very lengthy one, sometimes taking years, it makes you wonder why anyone would go through the trouble. For that matter why would someone have to when there are so many unwanted children in the world?

It gives you something to think about.

About Motherhood

When we think of a mother, what kind of a picture we get in our mind? A compassionate lady who will sacrifice all her comforts and will work ceaselessly in the home without expecting any monetary reward, only to take care of her children. Is this correct? Motherhood means sacrifice and pain from day one of conception. But this pain and sacrifice brings forward a beautiful feeling in a woman after she finds that her children are happy and healthy. That is the only reward she desires from her children. And that is motherhood.

This is true not only for humans but all mothers of the animal kingdom. A tigress will attack you and kill you if you dare to approach her cubs. Every animal mother teaches her young ones the art of living in their world. Every mother is ready to go to any length to save her young ones. A woman begins dreaming about her child soon after conception. Many expectant mothers talk to the yet to be born child. They feel totally comfortable doing that. They plan for the future of the kid, food, education, clothing, shelter everything. From the poorest to the richest mothers, we find that a sense of protecting her progeny is the most common trait.

For a mother, the child is her extension. This is not so for the fathers. But mothers treat the child as same as themselves. Why? Nature gives this love to a mother so that the specie continues. Mothers are special. In few studies it has been found that infants stop crying when they listen to the recorded sounds of their mothers womb. They were protected there and when they come out in the world, they are surprised with the difference. The sounds of womb tell them that things have still not changed so much and they feel comforted. That is one of the reasons why touch works wonders. The more a mother touches her children physically, the more loved they feel. They get the reassurance of the protection of the mother.

A child should always feel indebted to his/her mother because nobody else including the father sacrifices so much as the mother to bring us up. Mother is compassion and for a young kid, mother is God.

Addressing The Needs Of Home-Schooled Kids

There is a wide variation when it comes to the public opinion on homeschooling. Some are avid supports, while some do not find it in the best interest of children. And to weight out the pros and cons of homeschooling, a list of advantages and disadvantages of this alternative means of education is set up.

Either way, if it is really the best of the learners that is at their supporters and detractors hearts; why not consider what the learner really needs in order to achieve learning success whether in the public and private educational system or through homeschooling.

Taking the side of homeschooling, it is important to evaluate and identify the needs of the children, their interest, the learning methods that best stimulates their curiosity and inquisitiveness. This is the only key to a quality homeschool education - addressing what the homeschooled kid needs.

In homeschooling children, the instructors may be in the form of the parents or a tutor should be able to commit a time for learning. And homeschooling, with all the preparations, will really take up much time. A child will have to be given a strict time schedule for learning, and time for playing as well.

Homeschooled children are criticized to be less sociable individuals. Indeed, socialization is a major factor in developing the personality of a child. Having this in mind, instructors should give attention to the child getting together with other children apart from the home.

All children grow at their own pace. Let kids be kids. Understand that they are experiencing the world for the first time. Get involved and be interested in what interests the child. If it is in the arts and crafts field, then focus on that. Not only will it help the instructor foster rapport with the child, but this will also stimulate and motivate the child to learn new things. Give the child some room to grow and develop on his own with proper guidance.

The effort of homeschooling children will never be too much. It is constant striving to address the children's needs and this will greatly vary as you go along. Children grow and develop, and sooner or later will be interested in new things. And when this time comes, the instructor should always be ready to cater to the children's requirement for learning.

A-B-C’s Of Parenting

Common sense in parenting is a rather relative idea. Some parents simply do not have it and they need to be told just how to parent. That is why there are so many bestselling parenting books out there. There is nothing wrong with needing a little help in the area of your kids, parenting is difficult during the best of times and if those books can help you then go ahead and get them!

There are some basic rules when it comes to good parenting however. Here are the basics of parenting that every parent should know:

Be kind

It is never okay to demean your children. You do not ever want to put them down or hurt their feelings on purpose. No matter how mad they make you feel you should always work to control your temper. Not only will this keep you from doing and saying something that you will regret, it will also teach your children to control themselves as well.

Be a good role model

Being a good role model is important. This means teaching your children how to be good people all of the time. You want to teach them to be kind and to control their temper as well as to share. The most important thing that you will teach your children is the difference between right and wrong. Without this very important knowledge your children will not know how to succeed out there in the real world.

Communication

Controlling your temper is important and teaching your children to be responsible is great but communication is the key to being a good parent. There is no parent better than one who is dedicated to communicating with their kids well. Communications does not have to be hard, it just has to be done all of the time.

Communicating does not even have to be too in depth. Some people are just not comfortable with talking about their inner feelings all day every day and that is okay. Just talk to your kids about the important things. For example you need to make sure that your children know how much you love them all of the time. This is a huge part of good parenting.

Good parenting means talking to your about important things in their lives. Like if they get bullied at school you should talk to them bout that experience. Let your kids know that they can tell you anything that happens to them without fear of being rejected. If your kids can know they can talk to you about anything at all they will do it.

Keep in mind how important it is for you to know where your kids are at all times. Parenting has many facets and if you want to be good at it you need to learn about them all. Your kids need to be aware of the dangers of wandering around aimlessly. Let them know that they cannot go anywhere without filling you in on where they are going to be and who they are going to be there with.

Actively Listening to your Child

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times.  We feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not listening to them.  Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting.  Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly. 

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond.  We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences.  However, responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.  By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid.  But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they're coming from.  Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own.  Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.  

It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention.  Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child.   Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.  

Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated.  Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic.  Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling. 

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations.  By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from.  Remember, respond - don't react.